Where I have been!

There have been several reasons I have not updated for a while! Most include working way to hard and being underappreciated on a huge project and having very little time due to that! But mainly I have been scared and neuorotic about my children again!

After looking at the cartoon Eric sent me on You Tube at the beginning of October…I decided to look at a few other things about Down syndrome. I was really surprised at some of the things I saw there…and more taken back by the things I read there. It has taken me a while to calm down… almost twenty five days.

Most of the videos, montages or other clips had at least one and sometimes up to 40 different horrible quotes/comments on them about people who share many things in common with my children.

Some of these comments were horrible…like “they should all be killed”…or “I know what I would do if I had one”. All of these comments that I read…yes I know I should have stopped reading…I shouldn’t let this bother me…sometimes I like living in my own little world where my children can be or do anything they want…the belief that everyone will be nice to them and treat them as an equal part of society…. But maybe I needed the real dose of how some people (I am actually hoping and praying it is a few) see all my precious little gifts!!!!

For the first hour …I just hugged the kids a lot….I talked to Eric later and asked him if we should home school them….Eric points out that would last an all of 3 days before I went insane myself……and that the internet just gives these opinionated people a place to “say” stuff that they can’t other places because of the anonymity.

Great…now I wonder what these guys/gals will say to my little ones in person!!!

….my statistical brain says if they even represent 1 percent of the children at our local high school that is a whole lot!!!..... OK this is not helping me in the least…..I just want to keep the kids home with me every minute now….course Eric is reminding me how much I love my coffee and my 4 ½ hours of mommy and Jordan time.

I point out to Eric the information in the article I was sent by a friend about the attack on a developmentally disabled man in NYC by two young men with a toilet snake. I then panic again!!!!

Basically I really wish that I didn’t have to hear all the stuff like this!!! and I am sure that Grandma wishes I didn't either!!!

I never want bad things to happen to any of my children, but the thought of some of these children and young adults’ comments and what was done to that young man….SCARE THE HELL OUT OF ME!!!!

I do not understand most types of violence….and I taught in a prison for a long time….so I have worked with many different types of offenders….but I DO NOT GET THIS.

So I mope around for a week or so and realize that I am probably putting my kids in to much danger writing about them and such! I mope some more~! A LOT MORE~! I keep putting things off.... I write a bunch... but I just keep it in files and I mope some more!!!!

We keep doing all our family stuff & Eric and I go to parent teacher conferences. Not one of my favorite activities ...trying to arrange child care and a time for four conferences that Daddy and I can attend.

Oh how I long for the day when someone says “Ms. Smith your child is exceptional and so well behaved and a joy to have in my class”. This really didn’t happen this year…though we are getting closer. We actually discussed a lot of how Melea & Colin were not fitting in really well at the beginning of year in their regular room and finally after 12 weeks they were seeing some progress in their Kindergarten Placement….but for a while their teacher was really concerned. I appreciate her observations and I really want her to realize I want them in this placement...no matter what most of the time! BUT IT SCARES ME for probably much different reasons that it might for her.

Later after I left I realized the integration was not really about my children and their benefit to the exposure to the “typical” ones or how they did in that class….but maybe it was more for the “typical” children to learn and remember later in life….

That there had been a little guy named Colin once that they all fought to hold hands with, or be his partner or field trip buddy or were excited he came to their party…. Or a beutiful young girl named Melea who had the most awesome hair and loved to hug everyone.

Maybe this integration/ mainstreaming/ or whatever the “politically correct term” is for the “typicals” not my little angels!!!

They are NOT the ones who need to learn acceptance. Never have Colin or Melea ever turned up their nose at someone based on skin color or how they look or what they can do! These little angels take everyone for who they are TODAY not yesterday.... but are willing to open their arms and hearts to them no matter what has happened previously.

I realize why I take my children everywhere with us….why I am planning on getting them all passports when Eliza’s new birth certificate ever shows up. Because you can’t really promote awareness if you hide! People need to see that my kids and all other children with disabilities can & do anything that “typical” children do. It might be slower or look different BUT they can do whatever they want!

So I will keep blogging to promote awareness. I hope you all see the similarities and all the “normal” things we do. I will work on not panicking and try to be a lot more calm about the things that scare me about my children’s future…..and I really hope I can convince comedians and TV hosts/journalist to quit insulting all of the “retarded people” out there by comparing certain world leaders to the retarded…because believe me…. my children are not that stupid!