Got Energy! THEY DO!!!!

I really have to say that people sometimes think I have a lot of energy…but really I just wish I could have ½ of the energy of my children (accept for Adrian when someone turns on the TV that doesn’t count in the picture).

The kids played outside all afternoon (noon to 6:30 pm). Basically Eric got another dose of “my life” which usually revolves around popsicles, and water, and potting, and pushing someone on the swing and keeping Melea from loving Eliza a little harder than she should. Actually he was wonderful at watching them and being outside with them while I got a lot of “mom” stuff done…laundry, bills, cleaning, moving / exchanging clothes, cooking dinner and working on my Princess Grumpy books. But I can say this really isn’t easy….and he sure made it look like it was. (course I brought the popsicles, and the snacks, and ran interference with Grumpy for him)


I really still can’t believe how dirty the kids can get in that amount of time. Colin, Eliza and Melea looked like advertisements for “save the children” Eric and I bathed them all again….took them up for our big Sunday dinner….and we ate a great evening meal and no crying!!! What is up with that!!!

What a night so far…no screaming at dinner, no plates hit the floor and nothing spilled…I need to play the lottery after an evening meal like this! Then comes my favorite time….CLEAN UP! It is so nice to have a group of children and a husband who usually like to help without too much coaxing!!! Sometimes I know it would be faster if they didn’t help …but I know that time will come sooner than later…but tonight it was just plain fun….

Everyone brought their plates over and scraped them off. Miranda tried to crawl DOWN the steps by squeezing under the gate….she is getting so mobile…. I am soexcited. And them my favorite thing started.

Melea starts running around the island in the kitchen….running and giggling. Eliza starts to chase her dragging the “Chester cheetah” tail behind her.She is finally really running, but just like Colin it is flat footed like "Slappy the Duck".

A few minutes later Colin decided to join in and it looks like three little spinning tops in a pinball game. Colin & Melea soon lap Eliza and then all of a sudden Colin and Melea reverse direction….course they forget to tell Eliza and she looks a little puzzled and then she just turns around and joins in the chase again!!!

Adrian finally gives up and joins in and Melea keeps stopping by me and trying to get Miranda to follow her (Miranda is on my lap) and for this time it is not her nystagmus making her eyes dart back and forth she really is trying to follow what is going on and just can't seem to keep her eyes in one spot.

Finally Colin picks her up and carries her a lap around the island…. But he brings her back a few minutes later. This seemed to go on for about 15 minutes…… and they all collapse on the floor in a giggling pile….. and I smile to myself... cause there is my family, my children, happily laying on the not so clean floor in a heap!

they love each other, they play together, have so much fun together and will be together forever……. I just wish I had their energy!

Colin sacked out

Jelly Beans!!!!!!

Last night was a really sad event for all the kids and MOM!!! We opened the last bag of starburst jelly beans till next Easter. (One would have thought that 65 bags would have been enough to get to March…BUT NO!!!...) I have rationed and counted them and hid them …but they just love to eat them and they are just so good.

In reality it is just a jelly beans, but you have to realize what these little pieces of sugar and food coloring have brought us. Besides the pure delight of eating them they have brought us lots of learning activities…we count them, we separate them by color, we increase our fine motor skills with pincer grasps, (we smush them for them for Miranda & Eliza so no choking!); Physical science: the power of gravity, and great sharing and trading skills (Adrian doesn’t like red).

It would seem like this would not be that big of a problem. But there really aren’t any great jelly beans this time of year! There are the generic candy bags

at Wal-Mart or Schnucks…we have tried them….they are just not the same. Basically the kids just spit them out and I will tell you that jelly bean spit & candy is as hard to clean out of white carpet as kool aide!

I tried sticking a few in at a time with the others; I just got back a cup full of partially chewed muck! They do not like any but these. We tried the smuckers, and the lifesavers ones at Easter…but they really love the starburst ones.

We have been eating about a bag or two a week. … They would eat a bag or two a day if I let them. And Jelly Belly’s are just too expensive to feed five kids, a mom and occasionally dad.

With all the things we have learned or do with the jelly beans…. these little drops of heaven have made Colin put two real words together …he actually says “jellllllla beeen”. Those two beautiful words make me smile every night! Colin and Melea have made complex plans on how to steal them…getting magnets, moving stools, opening locked doors, getting bags open, cups to put them in and all the time spent picking them up off the floor. I will miss this….and the beans too.

So last night we had a little ceremony to open the last bag, and as I reminded Melea that Jordan does not eat “jelly beans”. Colin turned to the high chair and pointed “Jellllllie beeeeean”. He was pointing at Jordan. He was so excited and smiling and then giggled and said it again!

So last night we nick named our littlest one Jelly Bean!!!!! Because I know he can teach so many of the same skills to the kids. I just hope Eliza doesn’t bite him and skittles, runts, & the fruit chews are huge choking issues for us.

Dinner at home

Short Story: Dinner at our home can be one of the greatest and best events in my day….but I get surprised at how quickly it can dissolve into chaos…to become a therapeutic lesson for one and then a great family moment for all….

Long Story: I really try for us to eat dinner at a table every night (Preferably our dinner table). Never in my life did I actually think such a simple thing as dinner could be so many things to so many people.

I love to cook and my kids love to eat sounds like a perfect match…but they don’t always want to eat what I am cooking. I actually think it is not possible for me to cook one meal in which everyone will eat or try piece of everything. I actually pondered it for a while this morning and can not come up with anything….got a bunch where it is close 4 out 5 children, but never 5 of 5.

The closest meal I could come up with that all five of the kids might eat would include the following: pizza, French fries, rolls, ketchup and ultra butter crème chocolate pie. Glaring at you is the lack of real vegetables (though I think ketchup should be included as one for as much as we eat them)

For dinner last evening, we had meatloaf, tater tots, ginger carrots, a five grain bread loaf and milk or water to drink. Oh and I forgot the most important ingredient…. ketchup….. It makes a meal go better, the kids eat more and I hate the smell and cleaning it off the table! I really do believe that Eliza would eat anything if I put ketchup on it!

I also have learned it is a waste of time to ask Melea what she wants to eat. It is always the same answer! P-I-Z-Z-A!!!!! I think besides really liking pizza, this is a word she just loves the sound of and she says it as often as she can.

But back to the story….cooking dinner last night was not really that difficult (I wait till ground beef on sale, buy 10-15 pounds and make about 10 -12 meat loafs at a time. I freeze them and then on really busy (out of house activity days) I pop it in the oven and either set the timer or tell Eric when to start it. It only takes about 45 seconds (if I am not having any help from one of the magic 12 little hands in my life) to get the tater tot bag, open it, line the pan with foil and spray it, and put it into the oven, then 20 minutes to heat them. The carrots are just stir fried in the wok with a ginger sesame dressing from Audi’s. I am told they are amazing, but I STILL HATE CARROTTS (unless I am pregnant) so here is one person not wanting to eat something. Meat loaf is Colin and Daddy’s favorite “regular” food

Usually while I am preparing dinner, some of the children are watching “Signing Times” or a “Wiggles” DVD, Miranda sit in the chair at the table or is bear crawling around the kitchen, Eliza is trying to help me by setting and resetting the table (I get s few plates out and she runs around the island and then puts them on the table, runs around some more then grabs the plates and starts all over again. Jordan is either in the swing or the high chair….but I have to be in sight…..cause if I am out of his visual field he starts to scream!

Some days I am lucky (or unlucky) if they want to help me….Melea really loves stirring and the mixer and Colin loves spraying things (cleaner, spray oil, water…). Either on e or bit of them will want to help me cook…usually it can be a lot of fun but I have learned that the more they see me do the more they are willing to try on their own….this is really scary sometimes.

After the dinner is cooked, the table is sort of set, it is time to round up the children for dinner. I usually end up with Miranda sitting at the table (if she didn’t get put there on her on…likely Colin did it)…but she is always ready for food no matter what. So I am then trying to get four of my five “table” kids into the kitchen. This can be a long or short process. I think it closely reminds me of one of those old hand games with “mercury” in them. I get a bunch then the circle “breaks” and a few run off in another direction. And all the time Miranda is sitting “somewhat patiently” making little noises or banging her cup going “Hurry up I want MY FOOD”.

Last night all but Adrian made it to the table quickly, (I think it was because Eric was here to start with). Adrian needed a personal invite (OK several of them)…finally she shoes up after I have passed out the meatloaf and the carrots. (I always pass out or time the tatter tots/French fries to get done about 10 minutes after they start eating the other stuff or we might forget the other stuff!

Miranda always eats her food…all of it….she has a tendency to still eat everything like it was first birthday cake….all at once. Now she can use her fork and spoon (if she chooses) but I think she feels like why should I…. I can do it faster with my fingers.

Eliza wants to eat….but…I think she is still having a battle of wills with eating with silverware or her hands ….and this girl is so fast she could beat superman. If she gets mad a plate can get thrown so quick that you haven’t even had time to blink. (This little idiosyncrasy of hers did disappear for a while…but it is back if she is angry!...so please oh please do not move her cup or have another little one touch her stuff cause next thing you know that plate will go flying) Actutally last night she wanted mommy to feed her, which is what I figured out that she wanted….

Melea starts on way into the kitchen but for some reason stops and drops to the ground wailing….and for the life of me I can not figure out what she wants….except PIZZA. And I go through the litany of things that we think my have made her mad. I try to get her to help me feed Jordan…no luck….I try to get her to drink…even her second favorite food…BREAD…doesn’t work. SO I just let her sit and wail.

Colin is so excited when he heard meatloaf that he came running so fast he slipped on the tile and feel to the floor. This however was not enough to even make a dent in his persistence to get to his plate as he jumps up and then slides into the table and his chair like a baseball player. If he could talk he would be screaming MEAT LOAF, MEAT LOAF, MEAT LOAF!!!! He is so excited.

Well I feed Jordan, Melea is screaming, Eric dishes out tater tots, Adrian is counting them out load as she puts ketchup on each one…it can’t go on her plate only on each tot. Miranda keeps trying to get to Melea’s plate, Eliza is “honking” for more ketchup ….FOR HER CARROTS…and Colin looks like he is in heaven with his meatloaf and then he sees the tater tots! His face beams he jumps up, holds his plate out and then gets a puzzled look on his face.

I interpret this to be “I want some” but he is trying to figure out how to ask since “more” is not the right word…so he just settles for poking daddy with plate over and over.

In all this Melea is still wailing and I finally figure out what is wrong…she wanted a sippy cup lid! Before Eliza came to be with us…we were done with lids and etc but since Eliza can whiz a plate when she is mad so fast and without any warning we all went back to lids! (To save on the clean up). I had planned on Melea sitting at the big table, so I hadn’t put a lid on it. Even funnier yesterday she screamed at breakfast because the cup had a lid. (I think I am in training for her teenage years)

When Melea finally calms down, Adrian in all sincerity pipes up with “mom, mom….hey mom….you know what?” I really just want to finish the meal without anything hitting the floor or another screaming fit, and I am worried at what is coming next. “You know why you made meat loaf tonight?” I am not really sure where this is going….”Ok, Adrian why did I make meatloaf tonight?” much more sardonic than I meant to. “You made us meat loaf because you know Colin loves it and he loves you and me and Melea, and Liza, and Baby (Miranda) and Jellybean (Jordan)…we are a family….and you love us!”

I sort of sit there stunned…I wonder if she realizes what she is saying…she then says “You are our mom and we are you kids no matter what” And she implies by her tone that we are a family so you better get used to this!. I am awed by her sincerity and the clarity which she is seeing this whole chaotic meal take place. I am awed that after this moment there is no more screaming and crying and fussing, just happy giggling and eating, and I am awed at how a profound statement completely out of the blue makes me realize that this is what most family dinners are probably like.

Norman Rockwell we are not, and most of the time there is more food on the floor than I think went in there mouths (accept Miranda… she is like Mikey from the life commercial).

But I sit back and smile and drink my tea, watch Colin trying to trade his carrots to Eliza and I am awed at how much Colin will do to get more meat loaf.

Another busy day!!!

I have such a busy day today. Most people do….and I probably wouldn’t know what to do if I did not (see Diane I can actually admit that). It is 10 am ish cst and I decided to tell you all about what I / we have done and still have to do yet!

So far I have managed to bathed, brushed teeth & hair and dressed or at least attempted to make sure they matched…. and didn’t wear two different shoes (sorry Colin you can’t wear a red one and a black one) on five of children…feed them breakfast…got four of them on two different buses after writing in four notebooks, packing two snacks and filling out a few forms (I swear they send some everyday just to make me feel bad if I don’t have time or forget to do them)…walk /run for 38 minutes and 2 miles, nurse Jordan, & got him to take a nap, then took a shower, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, started a load of laundry and hung another one up (this is a constant battle at our house), and started my cathartic (word? Who knows I don’t got time to check) writings for me by typing this and drinking my iced coffee ….YES I discovered COFFE while pregnant with Jordan!!! How did I ever get anything done before that legal stimulant!

Here is what I have left to do…..go to Wal-Mart and exchange some pants I bought…my but is bigger than I thought …hence a new dedication to exercising again., get some $$$$ (Wal-Mart is actually cheaper than an ATM fee)…buy a new plunger (who knew there were different types or that they make great swords). I also need to get some yogurt and graham crackers so Melea has something to eat on the days she refuses to eat her school hot lunch, take the yogurt to school drop it off and at the same time pick Colin up to go to a Dr appointment at ENT and visit the orthotics lady (maybe he will participate today LOL). I am also taking Miranda to the audiologist/ENT to check her hearing …it hasn’t been working as well as it used to… or at least it wasn’t when I made the appointment, but now that she has lost her tube and is having a lot of drainage it is doing much better in my opinion.

Then come back home…try to unplug the lower toilet…Adrian flushed something down there…boy who would have ever thought a four year old would be so obsessed with toilets. Then we will eat dinner (dad is responsible to stick the meat loaf it in at 4 pm at 375 degrees) and then practice our letters…writing and reading….course the kids think the flash cards are better for throwing over the deck or down the stairs…get ready for bed will read the next chapter in James and the Giant Peach. Then I will likely nurse the baby and then start to clean up the house so the nice women who come to clean my house tomorrow don’t think the piggy family lives at our house. Then I hope to finish the story I am trying to edit about Princess Grumpy that I promised to send to a great illustrator/cartoonist LAST WEEK…and if I am lucky I can watched the TIVO soaps I missed and the new drama CANE (cause I know Law & Order will be on in repeats forever!) … and maybe so some aerobics.

And I appreciate and respect all that you do for us and our family….you have taught me the true meaning of love, loyalty and responsibility. I thank you for all the meetings, IEP's, IFSP's, drs appointments, surgeries, the times you put the kids on the bus, field trips and days like today that you are there to back up me up. I won the "lottery" for the first time when I married you. Eric, you are a great support and the rock in my hectic life. (though sometime you do add to it) Thanks of being you and being there for all of us!

But please don’t me pleading to hurry home cause Princess Grumpy is driving you nuts and has started a new chemistry mess in the bathroom BECAUSE it is your turn!!!!

What My Children have Taught Me (Part 6) - Jordan

Short Story: Both parent and child can sometimes learn the same thing at the same time....patience.

Long Story: Since the day I saw Jordan's heart beat on the monitor...I knew that both of us would need to learn patience. at that time I was a mom of four. Our family was scheduled to grow again through adoption and our precious Eliza was supposed to be arriving in less than a month. This adoption had been well planed in advance of this surprise.

It took a while for it to sink in....that I was going to be a mom of six children in a little more than 6 months from that date. All I could think of was the possible need for a straight jacket that evening since a stiff margarita was definitely out for a long while!

Well a year has passed since that appointment with Dr. H. And our little Jordan turned six months old last week, it sort of came and went without the usual fanfare. I actually think it was unnoticed by anyone but me. I really hope this is not how Jordan spends the rest of his life....being unnoticed.

Actually I really doubt that would be even possible...not With Adrian (the cruise director) and Melea (his second mother). Jordan has dimples and smiles and is always happy when someone is playing with him (or protecting him from all of Melea's hugs and kisses). His personality is emerging and changing and together we seem to be learning patience.

From the day he was born we have been working on this skill together. He was impatient to get here, and I made him wait till our furniture was delivered and I made lunch for the other children while having contractions. He was actually born about 1 1/2 hours after getting to the hospital.

Since getting here Jordan has been a challenge in many ways. Like most infants he wants what he wants "RIGHT NOW" . I had all the brilliant ideas of nursing and bonding before getting the others up and he would sleep while I got them ready for school. It actually never ever worked that way.

Basically if he was awake he wanted me! If hungry he wanted to eat now whether I had five little ones to bathe for school or not. I had a great plan and schedule to get every one taken care of and make sure they all got attention...only one problem ... he never read it....let alone seemed interested in following it after several months of trying to get him on it!

It was funny after having spent almost ten months waiting for him to get here and be a separate person from me...I had days I wished I were still pregnant...it was easier...he hated the sling, he hated the swing, he hated the bouncy chair all he wanted was me and his food source! It really made it difficult for all of us. Basically Jordan's job for the first four months was to teach me and the whole family patience!

I had to wait to sleep (I am thinking I might get some in the year 2025). Patience for me meant not screaming when I had to change him. It seemed that I could change him every 30 minutes and he would still pee through 4-5 outfits a day! We jokingly refer to him as"Sir Pees Alot". I am amazed at his ability to teleport urine our of his diaper(not get it wet) but completely ruin an outfit.

It meant that Eric had to help more with bedtime and get up time, and all the Kids had to learn to wait a little longer and help a little more. Either I needed to learn to cook while breastfeeding or we were going to eat a lot of take out (since Applebee's would be out now cause he won't do a blanket).

We all had to patient! It took time but Jordan became less clingy and I got used to hearing a baby cry for longer than 10-20 seconds before I could respond! (Of course there is that cry you know...I have to answer right now... I can't describe it other than you know it when you hear it!)

It was so much different with Jordan than with Miranda. All my other children wanted to help and hold and snuggle him. They are bigger, more mobile and in some ways much scarier to a mom of a little one! Well we have worked through that and we have learned and are practicing every day!

I found ways to have the kids help me safely and Jordan has sort of gotten used to a sister with one volume who"Pops up" out of nowhere and tries to "hug you" to death, a little friend who looks like she is going to bite you every time she really wants to kiss you (she actually ends up licking the baby); a big brother who signs your name upside down and wants you to play cars now! and a mom who can't believe how much have changed our lives already.

I know as a family, we have so much more to learn from Jordan. I hope patience is something all of us can keep learning. However when Jordan and I have accomplished this skill I am planning on letting him instruct Melea and Adrian.

I really can't wait to watch him grow and mature into a toddler...oh yeah patience....it will come soon enough.

What My Children Have Taught Me (Part 5) Miranda

Short Story: It doesn't really mater how long it takes to complete a taks as long as you end up in the same place & do it with attitude.

Long Story: I sat outside with my computer today watching my five beautiful children play in the back yard (thanks Jeff the Rainbow Guy!) and have fun on this beautiful fall day!. I watched my little Miranda playing in the wading pool...she sat and splashed and batted her toys around for almost an hour.

All the children came over and played with her. Sometimes they took turns and other times all five of them piled into the little pool. It was a site to see. They later " dragged" her over to the sand box.

These children are so determined for Miranda to play with them to run with them and to do everything they do that it is scary. They are forever trying to make her, to drag her or to show her how to walk that it sometimes makes her so angry and frustrated. I feel bad because I know how much she wants to do this but has yet been unable.

Miranda tires out really easily. More so in the last few months that previous ones...but I think part of that has to do with her trying so hard to walk. She also has had pneumonia four times since July. But today...with all of the kids pushing and pulling and making her "bear walk" and being dragged around the pool and sand box she "stood up" without braces, with out a hand hold, nothing to grab but her big brother (he was about 8 to 10 inches away). And stood there...she looked like she would fall any second.... but....

In all the hub a baloo and the fight that was going on between Melea and Eliza over a toy...Miranda took three steps...not a lunge or a coordinated fall but THREE STEPS toward the quieter side of the sand box and then she just plopped down away from the rest of them and just smiled at me and then pretty much fell over onto the side of the box and fell asleep!

Unusual...yes....she is almost 32 months old, she doesn't walk on her own safely and just really started walking holding hands about 10-15 days ago. But today was the day, I think she had had enough of the others and just wanted peace and quiet and she was going to get it!

Becoming a parent isn't easy no matter how it is done. Birth, adoption, blended families...all present different joys and challenges to building a family. However somehow I had a little dream always named Miranda in the back of my head! A very little persistent dream that became a reality in February of 2005.

Many people seem to have this wonderful ability to tell me (an a lot of parents) all the things their children may never do, or that it will take so much longer for them to do things or don't be to disappointed when..... (fill in the blank). Well Miranda loves to prove all of them wrong. She has been doing it since she got here. "Oh she will have trouble eating cause of her heart...she might not use a bottle....oh it will be a while till she gets out of the hospital...." Well she surprised all of them....off with that NG tube faster than ever expected, small weight gains but consistent.

I will never forget how many EKG leads she pulled off after her heart surgery, or how no one could really see how sick she was on the inside cause she was doing great at masking it on the out side! SHE is the poster child for perseverance.

Miranda reminds me of the fable of the turtle and the hare. Just like the turtle she make such slow progress...some days / weeks it is very slow almost non existent. THEN A HUGE LEAP and we are in front of a new skill! Being Miranda's mom has made me realize that it really is true that .....slow and steady will complete the race. She constantly reminds me that it is not winning but finishing with the right attitude that makes you a success. So with that in mind I know that Miranda is going to be a "winner" cause baby does she have attitude!!!!!!

Together we have been through a few hospitalizations, a cardiac catheterization, open heart surgery, ear infections, pink eye, three sets of ear tubes, a sleep study, adenoid removal, glasses, a ton of therapies and MORE SNOT than you would think anyone can make....but she just keeps plodding along to the beat of her own drummer. Miranda seems to exude perseverance and she does it with attitude.

She hasn't been feeling as well lately and it has been really hard to see her being so sick (four pneumonias since July isn't a great sign) but through it all I see that "Miranda" attitude! She wants to be healthy, she wants to play and she wants to chase those siblings of hers (and heaven help her mother when she can) and what I have learned from being her mother that she will do all of this and more...just in her time.

Miranda didn't read anu of those developmental books yet! I am sure she will though ...and we will laugh at them together. She doesn't know that she is "running" late for any developmental milestone (ds or not), she seems to do everything at her own speed. All Miranda is aware of at this time is that she wants to be "running" after her big brother and sisters...and to be chasing the Jordan....and if today proves anything to me....she will be there soon than later!

What My Children Have Taught Me (part 4) Eliza

Short Story: Trust is something that has to be mutually earned.

Long Story:

Eliza is a beautiful and energetic little angel with 47 pieces. She came to us in a somewhat similar as all our our adoptions to date. I got an email from our agency (they new we were looking to expand again), but instead of an infant and and agency adoption with them. I could call CPS for information and see if we could put "family" hat in the ring for Eliza.

This was a really scary though for me, but those eyes....they just lead me to call, and call and leave messages and call again. I was told to be persistent ...I was so persistent that I am sure it was actually annoying....but I knew this little princess was supposed to be part of our family. SO I had to keep it up! We were picked, and then the waiting just took longer.

All I can say is this adoption has been our hardest to date. When one thinks about how many children are in foster care, you would think it might be a little easier to adopt them. This was the first time I realized how much "trust" I put in a system- our government to do the right thing for Eliza and for us. Basically our emotional roller coaster started the day we were matched. Everything took longer than anyone anticipated and longer than we all felt it should have.

Eric & I flew to Houston to visit her. She still couldn't come home yet. The minute we met Eliza (almost 3 months after being matched and 5 months after seeing those beautiful and expressive eyes in my morning email) was a wonderful moment. All of our other three adopted children were places as infants between 3-9 weeks of age, We had never adopted an older child.

She immediately feel into Eric's arms and gave him a close snuggle and a squeeze. I was lucky enough to get one look and then back to making over her new daddy. He got what we now term a "butt wiggle". I really can't describe it any other terms other than a cross between a wonderful full body hug/squeeze and a all over giggle and then she buries her head in your chest and kisses you! After about two hours with her and the SW Eric and I went back to the hotel. I was sort of sad...all the paperwork...all the phone calls...all the waiting...she didn't even like me at all.

I realized that all these months I had fallen in love with a little girl that "didn't really exist" She was a picture and not the little girl in front of me. I thought she would love me at 2 1/2 years just like my other children did. BOY WAY I WRONG. Eliza had her own plans and her own mind and her own way of doing things.

Second visit wasn't much better for her and me. Eliza bit me so hard that I cried...I don't even think my horse ever bit me that hard!) But she loved and smiled and twisted my husband around every one of her fingers. She was so immediately bonding with him that I had to "trust" that she was supposed to be with us, I had to "trust" Eric when he said he was confident Eliza was meant for our family and he was sure she liked me...still no but wiggle or even a big hug just a bunch of glances at me which I realize now were her way of sizing me up!

Her foster mom was wonderful, she was awesome with all the children in her care, great with us and I could not have asked for better. That said that after all the visits that weekend It was still so hard for Eric and I to return her foster family and return to our home without her. Eliza really liked her and loved being in her house, but I had tears in my eyes when we left cause again I had to "trust" that Eliza would be OK and safe till she came to be with us forever.

It wasn't supposed to be to long....but you know how best laid plans go. Twenty days turned into another sixty seven! To get Eliza home I had to "trust" so many people to do there jobs and push that paperwork along that I actually thought I was going to get an ulcer waiting.

You would think that a mother of four children with down syndrome could be patient....but NO I really am not a patient person! I wanted her home before the had even turned two. I just kept wanting her to be with us! I had to wait and I had to "trust" people to do their jobs.

It did finally happen, all the paperwork was processed and plane tickets were purchased, I cleaned our house, scrubbed the carpets and decorated her room. The day came that she was supposed to arrive, almost 7 1/2 months after deciding we should send in our file, and Eliza and her SW get to the airport in Texas and someone got her ticket for the wrong way (not from Texas to Missouri but the opposite direction!). Here it was again...we had to "trust" that someone on the other end of phone in airport could fix this problem on a long holiday weekend. (they did ....or I would have driven to Houston to get her myself)

Eliza was here. All of her paperwork, her beautiful little suitcase, new clothes and a few special things...but she was here with her family! She seemed to instantly bond with her new siblings... it was like she always was supposed to be with them. I had to "trust" that we received all the right paperwork, that all the legal work really was done correctly, that her medical files would one day show up, that they had given me all the information we needed. It seems funny to say this but the State of Texas had to "trust"me and my husband enough to raise this beautiful little girl (by the way taxpayers of Texas- thanks for the most precious gift of Eliza!!!!!)

For almost six weeks she smiled and touched and played and "honked" at them...but she still didn't really seem to like me...she was always looking mad at me, or perplexed or frustrated. I did't get the hugs that the rest got and I still hadn't gotten a butt wiggle! I started all of her EI paperwork, took her to the doctors, answered questions at evaluations. And I waited...everyday she just tolerated me...she seemed to love my husband...but tolerated me. What did I need to do to gain her "trust".

It seemed to dawn on Eliza and I at the same moment...in Late January she had her tonsils & adenoids removed and had to stay overnight at the hospital. (Miranda was also at the hospital overnight at the same time). That 28 hour period was the first time that Eliza wanted me....not her dad...or grandma....ME! As I look back I realize what I did wrong. Nothing!!! accept not realizing we both had to learn to trust each other.

I made her change everything in such a short time period. Where she lived (it was cold here in MO and new allergies, and new environment); I took away her "foster family"; I took away her bottle and made her drink from a sippy cup; I made her eat solid foods and feed herself with a fork or spoon; I made her try to sign (by the way we still fight this battle); I made her brush her teeth & take a bath (found out she had a sensory thing with water after they placed her). I held her head as she got her eyes dilated and later her ear wax cleaned out and I made her play outside!

I wanted her to love and "trust" me and I was the "Evil Mom" in her book who changed and made everything different from before. Why would she have thought that I was any different from all the places she had been before? Heck she isn't even that old and is developmentally disabled, but she knew how to play the "foster game" how to make people think you care about them and get them to do what you want! I don't think she really "trusted" anyone at that point.

In the hospital in pain and Mommy there to help and hold her, I think she realized for the first time I wasn't leaving her. I feed her and hugged her and rocked her. We played and I changed diaper after diaper (anesthia gives her diarrhea something awful). Our relationship changed. She finally let me cuddle her and she hugged me. We fell asleep for the first time together in the hospital chair.

But from the instant we got stuck when that hospital chair split and I couldn't get up and we were stuck! Maybe when she saw the panic in my eyes and my need to pee (being 8 1/2 months pregnant and trapped in this &*^% (fill in the explative) pull out chair for what seemed like forever and really looking at each other eyes...panic can really open them up and Eliza has the most expressive and wonderful deep chocolate brown eyes!

We realized that we needed to "trust" each other!!!!

I guess "trust"ing Eric, Grandma, and all the children was easy! They were not making her do things she didn't want to, she didn't really need to make them "happy" to get her needs met so whatever she could give them was enough! I was a challenge and she seemed to resent everything I tried to make her do.

It actually was so funny...before that day she could have cared less if I was in a room with her and since then I am now her favorite person to see, to full body hug and jump on. When she smiles at me now it is with her whole body! She "trusts" me now like none of my other children do. Because I had to earn it in different way for a different reason .