SHORT STORY: Learning determination in impossible, however it is a state of mind and a lifestyle which can easily be confused with stubbornness or obstinance.LONG STORY:
Everyday that I have been privileged to be Melea's mom has been full of surprises for me! I have seen, experienced and been a part of so many adventures that it is amazing. But the thing that Melea has most taught me about life is . DETERMINATION!!! and even though most people think this is a great quality in an employee it may not always be wonderful in a little girl!
From the day we learned about Melea from our favorite adoption agency! I knew that she was one determined little girl! She entered the world with that extra chromosome to complete surprise to all involved! Here she was with all prenatal tests (including an amnio) that said no problems however this was not to be the case. According to her that extra chromosome is basically just extra attitude and boy does she have that in spades! Melea displays this attitude and determination in everything she does.
This goes for eating, and school, and dancing, and playing and of course for temper tantrums! Can this girl throw an all out dramatic screaming fit!! She is determined to do things her way.
Yesterday the children were dismissed from school early, so we had extra time to play in the backyard. Melea had such fun and loved it. She hung upside down, crossed the monkey bars, went on the slides, dragged her younger sister Eliza everywhere and up and down the slides. built a huge sand castle and then tried to bury her brother and she was determined to help Eliza climb up the chain ladder even if it killed her (Eliza).
Melea is adventurous, playful and loves to do "physical" stuff as long as it is her idea. After several hours of playing and eating popsicles she then decided to Run up the back hill / boulders / rock outcrop in our back yard ....they are big for a five year old with or without extra chromosomes and make for the "open" free woods. She really didn't make it far- maybe about 500- 600 feet till she decided that no one was following. She stood there and looked for me....
She was checking to see if I had noticed, she waited and waited for me to move to help her. I waited for her to call me or see if she would turn back and come home. It became a battle of wills... who would break first.... 1 minute....five minutes...10 minutes....I loose because Jordan is crying and call up to her to see if she needs help. No answer.... I start to climb up but I hear....."no momi no momi".... " I cum u tay....no momi". This really peeks my interest because Melea doesn't always put that many words together.
So I go get Jordan from the pack in play and come back and proceed to watch Melea slowly descend that beautiful hill. This hill is both beautiful and treacherous...I always seemed to be chasing her when I was pregnant and worried about falling and we have had so many discussions/arguments/time outs because of her ability to wander up it. It has actually been several months since she has even tried this. But I sit there quietly, watching waiting and wondering when she will fall and need me to save her.
Each time she gets to a point where the trail ends or it is too steep or jagged or there is a tree.... she stops and looks and contemplates... what to do... I keep waiting for her to ask for help but no...she pushes on. Slowly this action is drawing the attention of the other children in the yard. Eliza comes over and sits next to me and Jordan and is pointing and honking gleefully at Melea. I here Miranda yelling- it is because she is in the toddler swing and Colin was pushing her. But he has stopped and slowly is moving toward the bottom of the rock outcrop and is pointing at her. Melea responds by exclaiming "no broda, i doooo i dooo".
After a few more minutes and feet go by Adrian joins us to cheer her on and she is telling her how great she has done to get down to the fence and how proud she is of her. I am just holding my breath....realizing it is just the big drop to come and that going up looks so much easier than coming down. A few more steps and another minute pass, Colin starts pacing back and forth at the bottom and pointing worriedly at her.
Melea not sure what to do, she just sits down and just at me....for what seems like forever.... I am not sure what to tell her, I really don't know if she was waiting for me to get her or she has given up, trying to make the moment as dramatic as possible or just to make sure she has as much of my undivided attention as she can get. But when I finally think she has given up....she gets up and slowly moves a large tree branch and finds a new way down the "boulder drop".
In this process she scrapped her leg and got a tiny cut on her shin. But she is not crying and the petrified look that crossed her face a few times is now replaced by such beaming exuberance. She now has proven what only she knew (and I really hoped) ....that she could do it !!! This is just how Melea is and always does everything! Since she entered our lives at age four weeks, it is her way.... she doesn't really do what the book says, or what others do she does it HER WAY (I have thought of rewriting My Way for her).
Melea never really liked being held to much....not even as a baby. She would let me feed her, snuggle and play as long as it was in "her plans". She would let me know when she had enough and she always wanted to get back to her swing (and oh that hasn't changed- Melea still would swing for hours if I could or would push her). Originally she seemed to eat enough just to "survive" for the longest time. Then one day she said- I am going to eat....and that was accomplished- no looking back. We do everything like that
Therapy and early intervention- when and only if she felt like participating and then it was always on her terms- for example I will try to walk in speech therapy, I want to color in Physical therapy (but I won't look at you...no matter what....and if you try to make me do it I will SCREAM). Developmental therapy was a battle of I will do it to make you smile , but it will be the way I want.... you want smallest to largest well Melea gave largest to smallest.
Determination might be thought of as synonymous for obstinate with my daughter! But it is more of a learning style for her. She is determined to do it, she is determined to get it right, she is determined to make sure that everyone knows she is around, and she is determined to be the best at whatever she wants to do! Melea does everything on full volume and with full heart and excitement. Every morning when leaving for school she puts her head down (almost like a football player), grabs her "backpack" and runs out the door to tackle the world.
Melea's attitude, ability to work through and accomplish what she needs to...even if on her terms.... makes me realize all the things she will be able to accomplish in her life, or she will at least find a new way or new path and surprise us all.
I hope that her mom can be as determined about my own life as Melea!
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